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2022-10-21 14:07


【译者按】非语言相同也是通报信息的重要方式,明白非语言相同,可以让我们读出语言相同环节中没有直接表达的部门;也正是非语言相同通报的信息,能够深入相识语言相同背后的隐藏了的真实想法。【原文作者】Michael R. Wood作者图【编译】刚铎There was a time where I believed that managing a project was mostly about knowing what to do and when to do it. Gladly, those years are decades behind me. As my understanding of what it takes to help organizations achieve lasting improvements grew, I came to realize that having finely honed interpersonal communications skills was at least as important to project success as anything else. When people think about interpersonal communications skills (ICS), they think about things like:Active listeningEmpathyLeadershipEmotional maturityCollaboration曾经有段时间,我认为治理项目最主要是要知道做什么和如何去做。值得庆幸的是,那些年早已已往。随着我对于组织如何能够实现连续革新的明白加深,我逐渐意识到,拥有良好的人际相同技巧,对于一个项目乐成而言,和其他任何方面都同等重要。

当我们提起人际相同技巧(ICS)时候,会提及如下内容:努力的倾听同理心向导力情感成熟协作In an effort not to bore you with a review of the above items, I have provided a list of additional reading on those areas.为了不让您对回首上面的清单感应厌烦,我提供了一份这些领域的增补阅读质料。ICS goes much deeper than the basics. My hope is your takeaway from this article will be a deeper understanding and appreciation as to how what I call “silent communication skills” (SCS)—things like first impressions, body language and even the ability to read a room—plays a role in how we communicate with stakeholders and project team members.人际相同技巧比基础观点要深入许多。我希望你能从这篇文章中获得一个更深条理的明白,我称之为“无声的相同技巧”(SCS)——好比第一印象、肢体语言,甚至是阅读集会室的能力,在我们如何与相关方和项目团队成员相同中起着重要作用。

Like interpersonal communications skills, purposeful silent communication skills begin with being consciously deliberate in the way we communicate. It requires that we view interactions, exchanges and messages as opportunities to influence behavior, improve relationships and shape outcomes. It requires forethought about how each encounter and sharing of information will be perceived by those directly engage and by those who are merely observers.正如人际相同技巧,有目的的无声相同技巧始于我们在交流的方式中有意识地深思熟虑。它要求我们将互动、交流和信息通报视为影响行为、改善关系和塑造效果的时机。

它需要深思熟虑地对每一次信息的接触和分享如作甚直接到场者以及仅仅是视察者所明白。Even casual conversations need to be viewed as an opportunity to affect positive outcomes that move projects forward. This is hard to do, especially when we are emotionally engaged in the fray of managing teams, interfacing with stakeholders and dealing with everyday stressful situations. SCS includes the ability to be engaged while also being a detached observer of our own engagement with people, situations and processes. It means being able to focus on the content of the communication while also being self-aware and able to focus on the dynamics in play (the setting, the circumstances, the emotional state of those involved, the bias, views and self-interests being represented and more).纵然是非正式的谈话也可以视为能够努力影响项目结果、向前推进项目。

这通常很难做到,尤其是当我们情绪化地投入到团队治理的争吵中、同时面临各个相关方以及天天有压力的场景。无声的相同技巧包罗我们作为被动到场者的能力以及作为我们到场的人员、情况和流程的视察者的能力。Becoming adept at all of this is probably not totally achievable. It takes years of practice, study, reflection and—most of all—desire contribute to success. But success isn’t guaranteed. To begin this journey, you might find it useful to assess your skills, talents and capabilities in the following areas.醒目所有这些或许是无法完全实现的。它需要多年的实践、学习和反思,而最重要的是盼望对乐成有所孝敬。

纷歧定能保证乐成。要进入这个领域,您会发现如下领域对于评估您的技术、才气和能力是有资助的。1. Making impactful first impressions1. 发生有影响力的第一印象Growing up, virtually everyone has been told (or at least has heard) how important it is to make a positive first impression; like going to an interview. As it turns out, there has been much research into the impact first impressions make on setting the stage on how others will view us, our words and actions in the future.发展历程中,险些每小我私家都被告诉(或者至少听说过)留下一个正向的第一印象是何等重要;就似乎去到场一个面试一样。

同时也有许多研究讲明,我们的第一印象对于未来他人如何看待我们、我们的言行确定了印象的基调。The emotional anchor we set in others via their first impression of us can be positive, creating a “halo effect”; or negative, creating a “storm cloud” effect. Both effects create an impression that influences future opinions and judgments in other areas. A positive first impression tends to predispose a person to give someone the benefit of the doubt moving forward, while a negative first impression tends to create the opposite effect.我们通过第一印象留给他人的印象基调可以是努力的,形成“晕轮效应”;亦或是消极的,形成“风暴云”效应。两种效应都市留给他人一个印象,从而影响未来对于其他方面的看法和判断。

一个努力的第一印象会倾向于给某人一个正向的评价,一个消极的第一印象恰好相反。Of course, first impressions are fleeting as it’s the substance behind the actual value you deliver that will matter in the end. Just know that negative first impressions tend to haunt how your performance is judged longer than a positive one—and rectifying that situation can be very difficult.固然,第一印象是转瞬即逝的,因为你最终通报的实际价值背后的本质才是重要的。要知道,消极的第一印象往往比努力的印象更能影响你的体现,而您要纠正这种印象是很是难题的。

As a project manager, it is just as important to pay attention to the first impressions you create as it is it be aware of the impressions your team makes. Remember, negative first impressions can lead to bias and social prejudice. The impression people first get when meeting you or your team members could overflow into how they view the rest of the team. Even the impressions you create by your work area and the people you associate with send a message (right or wrong) about who you are.作为一个项目司理,您既要关注您的第一印象,同时也要关注您团队的第一印象。记着,消极的第一印象通常会导致偏见和社交上的偏见。人们在第一次见到您或者您的团队发生的印象可能会影响他们对团队其他成员的看法。哪怕是您的事情领域造成的印象还是您接触的人们发送的一条评价您的消息(无论是对的还是错的)。

It seems counter-intuitive that the impression formed (consciously or subconsciously) in a fraction of a second can set the tone for the quality of a relationship and dominate the way we work with others, but it can and often does—so make those initial contacts and introductions count. Maintain an open posture and hand gestures, make good eye contact, talk less and listen more, use appropriate facial expressions, and project a positive and engaged attitude.看起来似乎是有悖常理的,一瞬间形成的印象(有意识或无意识地)可以为一个来往关系定下基调,并主导了我们和他人一起事情的方式。但这就是实际情况,因此我们要重视初次的接触和先容。

保持开放的姿势和手势,举行良好的眼神交流,少说多听,使用适当的面部心情,并体现出努力和认真的态度。Oh, and remember: First impressions are a two-way street, so be consciously aware of the impression others make on you and don’t allow them to bias your objectivity. Instead, seek to understand why you feel the way you do about them and find ways to confirm or correct the impression made.对了,请记着:第一印象具有两面性。所以对于其他人给您留下的印象要注意,不让第一印象影响到您的客观判断。相反地,实验去明白为什么你会有这样的印象,并找出确认或者纠正这样印象的措施。

2. Reading/keeping a room2. 阅读/掌控集会室Another area that is akin to first impressions is what you can learn from reading a room (observing a group of people in an attempt to understand the emotions, thoughts and overall vibe being communicated). This skill is very useful when entering any gathering, especially meetings with people you may not know. The group doesn’t need to be large. In fact, the same skill can be used for one-on-one meetings, even with people you know.另一个类似于第一印象的领域是你可以从阅读一个集会室中读懂什么(视察一组人,试图明白他们转达的情感、思想和整体气氛)。这项技术在到场任何聚会时都很是有用,尤其是与你可能不认识的人碰面。聚会的规模不需要太大。

事实上,同样的技巧也可以用于一对一的集会,哪怕是和你认识的人。Basically, when reading a room, you want to make a conscious effort to think about what body language you see, the impressions people are leaving on you, the tone of the conversations, the energy level and more. For example, when leading a status update meeting, you will want to be the first one to the meeting so you can take a read of each person as they arrive. You will want greet them and assess how they are feeling, their energy level, their level of eye contact, etc. Are they projecting a positive attitude, are they cordial or do you get a sense they are harboring a level of negativity?总体来说,当您阅读一个集会室时,您要有意识地思考您看到了什么样的肢体语言,人们给你留下的印象、谈话的语气、活跃水平等等。例如,在主持一个项目状态更新集会时,您最好成为第一个到达集会现场的人,这样您就可以在每小我私家到达时阅读他们(转达的)信息。

你会想问候他们,评估他们的感受,他们的活跃水平,眼神交流的水平等等。他们是否体现出努力的态度,您感受到他们是友好的,还是他们有某种水平的消极情绪?As the meeting continues, take the time to re-read the room to determine if the room is engaging more or less. Is the audience with you or slipping into boredom and complacency (are you keeping the room?). If they are engaged, they are probably paying close attention to the conversation, maintaining positive eye contact, smiling, using positive body language, speaking with enthusiasm, etc.随着集会的继续举行,您花点时间重新阅读集会室,以确保集会是否吸引了更多人注意。是观众们和你在一起,还是陷入了无聊和自满(你在掌控集会室吗?)。如果他们很投入,他们可能会密切关注谈话,保持努力的眼神交流,微笑,使用努力的肢体语言,充满热情地(集会)讲话等等。

If your scan of the room reveals that people are texting on their phones, doodling, gazing out windows, checking the time, frowning and generally giving off the vibe that they would rather be anywhere else but here, you will need to take corrective actions. Those actions could range from engaging those who are disengaged that elicit their views on the topics at hand to taking a break, to bringing the meeting to an end. Body language, micro-expressions (raised eyebrows, tiny frowns, rolling eyes) and other non-verbal cues can send a distinct message of disinterest, apathy and even hostility (often more than words).如果您对房间的扫视,发现大家在用手机发短信、乱涂乱画、盯着窗外、检察时间、皱着眉头,总的来说他们宁愿呆在这里以外的任何地方,您就需要接纳一些纠正的措施了。您可以是让那些不够投入的人到场讨论,征求他们对手头议题的看法,或者短暂休息一下,固然您也可以竣事集会。肢体语言、微心情(扬起眉毛、微皱眉头、翻眼睛)和其他非语言线索等都能转达出一种显着的漠不体贴、冷漠甚至敌意的信息(通常比言语更具敌意)。

It is important to note that you can’t be absorbing all the non-verbal messaging that is in a room while you are talking. So, while listening to others, be sure to use that time to also listen to their words, their tone, their gestures, etc. You want to get their whole message.重要的是,您不行能在谈天时把集会室中所有非语言的信息都明白。所以,在听别人说话的时候,一定要使用这段时间去听他们说话,注意他们的语气、手势等等。您需要获得他们的全部信息。

Also be aware of how others in the meeting are reacting to what others say. Is it consistent with your understanding and feelings? If not, be sure to hone in on those differences and provide ample opportunity of others to voice their views. Needless to say, on a conference call it is impossible to pick up on most non-verbal cues. Even on video conference calls, it isn’t easy—especially if the camera doesn’t provide a view of all participants.同时也要注意集会中人们对他人讲话的反映。这是否和您的明白和感受相同?如果没有,一定要淘汰这些分歧,并提供充实的时机让其他人表达自己的看法。很显着,在电话集会上,你不行能读到大多数非语言的表示。

纵然是在视频电话集会上,这也不容易做到,尤其是当摄像头不能拍摄所有到场者的视角时。3. Recognizing and understanding body language and non-verbal cues3. 识别和明白肢体语言和非语言线索Like the spoken word, body language and other non-verbal cues require context to fully interpret and understand. One of the risks in putting too much stock in any single component of a communication is falling into the trap of assuming what is meant and expanding that assumption to the whole of the conversation and even to the relationship. Body language and non-verbal cues should be interpreted as information that needs to be integrated into the entire communication given the context, tone and circumstances surrounding the exchange.和口头表达一样,肢体语言和其他非语言线索也需要通过上下文才气充实表达和明白。


There are various types of non-verbal communications that affect the meaning of what is being communicated in words/language. Often, due to differences in cultural norms and customs, people can misinterpret these cues wrongly as their interpretation is made through the lens of their own norms and practices and not those of the sender.多种类型的非语言交流会影响用词表达/语言交流的寄义。通常,由于文化规范和民俗习惯的差异,人们可能会错误地明白这些寄义,因为对它们的明白是通过自身的规范和实践履历而不是通过讲话者的规范和实践履历来举行的。

Again, non-verbal cues are always in play whether we are consciously aware of them or not. We get from others and give off vibes as well. The more consciously aware we are of those feelings, emotions and context, the better off we are in ensuring that our communications are being interpreted accurately. Below is a short summary of various types of non-verbal communications:再次强调,无论我们是有意识还是无意识的,非语言表示总是起作用的。我们从别人那里读到非语言的表示,同时提供非语言的表示给别人。我们越有意识地认识到这些感受、情绪和上下文,我们就越能确保我们的交流准确明白。

如下是种种非语言相同方式的简短总结:Facial expressions are often the first thing we notice in a person. The expression on a person’s face (happiness, sadness, anger, joy, fear, boredom, etc.) tends to set the tone of a conversation. Facial expressions are pretty much universal regardless of the country or culture, so they are one of the easiest to understand and react to.面部心情 往往是我们对于一小我私家首先注意到的。人的面部心情(快乐、伤心、恼怒、快乐、恐惧、无聊等)往往会定下来交流的基调。

在任何国家和文化中,面部心情都是很是普遍的,所以面部心情是最容易明白和反映的。Many gestures have universal meaning like waving, pointing or holding up fingers to indicate a numeric value. However, gestures can also convey emotion and criticality of a situation. Someone waving might be just saying hello, or signaling they need help. Thus, a person waving with two hands while standing near a burning building might be a frantic cry for help versus that same gesture in an auditorium might be just a way of signaling “over here.” Again, the context and situation play a big role in understanding the meaning of a gesture. Then, of course, there are private gestures that are intended to let a person know action is needed. A head nod by a bartender to a bouncer might signal there is an unruly patron at the bar. A workshop administrator might use hand signals to let speaker know that a break is due.许多手势都有着通用的寄义,好比挥手、指点或举起手指来表现数值。然而,手势也能转达情绪和对处境的批判性。



Paralinguistics is just a big word that refers to other aspects of vocal communications beyond the words said. Things like tone, volume, pitch, emotion and more all contribute to how vocal communications are intended to be understood. A person entering a room yelling “What’s going on?” is sure to be reacted to differently than some whispering those same words into your ear. Paralinguistics play a huge role in how people react to verbal communications. In written communications people use emojis to add missing emotions and feelings to their written words.英语言学 只是一个广义上的名词,它指的是除了说的语言以外的其他方面的声音交流。诸如音调、音量、音调、情感等等都有助于人们明白声音交流。一小我私家走进房间大呼“怎么回事?“肯定会和一些人在你耳边低声说同样的话有纷歧样的反映。

副语言学在人们对言语外交的反映中起着重要的作用。在书面交流中,人们使用情感符号来增加他们的文字中所缺少的情感和感受。Body language and posture (how we hold and position ourselves) is accepted as a key indicator of our mood, feeling and attitude. Again, a person’s body posture should be taken in context to our familiarity with that person, their personal situation, the context of the conversation, the environment, etc. Folded arms could represent a person is closed off from the conversation, or it could indicate they are cold.肢体语言和姿势 (我们如何保持和定型自己的姿势)认为是我们情绪、感受和态度的关键指标。


Proxemics refers to the personal space/distancing a person is comfortable with when engaging others. Personal space expectations and comfort levels vary widely by social norms, settings, cultures, familiarity, etc.). It is very important to understand the personal space expectations of people you are working/communicating with. To violate someone’s personal space could be interpreted as rude, uncaring and even as aggression toward them—both by the person and onlookers.空间关系学 是指一小我私家在与他人来往时感应舒适的小我私家空间/距离。小我私家空间期望值和舒适度会因社会规范、情况、文化、熟悉水平等而有差异。相识与你一起事情/交流的人对小我私家空间的期望是很是重要的。

侵犯某人的小我私家空间可能被误以为为卤莽、漠不体贴,甚至是对他们的侵犯。Eye gaze—the way people are looking/gazing at things—can also indicate emotional states. A person resisting eye contact could reflect a sense of inadequacy, shyness, shame or just that they don’t like you. If a person’s eyes are dilated and coupled with a staring glare, they might be angry or even near a violent state. The eyes are often said to be the window to the soul. They convey happiness, sadness, humor, anger, sorrow, sincerity, attraction and even love. The look in someone’s eyes can provide tremendous insights into interpreting their words and other non-verbal cues. It is when there is a disconnect between these things that you need to pay special attention.眼睛注视——人们注视事物的方式——也可以表达情绪状态。一个拒绝眼神交流的人可能反映出一种不称职、羞怯、羞耻或只是他们不喜欢你。


通过一小我私家的眼神深入明白他们的话语和其他非语言表示。当他们之间泛起脱节时,您需要特别引起注意。Haptics – One of the most basic and common forms of communication is through touch. Through a single touch a person can communicate their acceptance, friendliness, affection, anger, acceptance, distain, sympathy, need and so much more. Touch also needs to be interpreted through the context of situation, culture, etc. One person’s show of affection through touch is another’s sign of assault.触觉–——最基本和最常见的交流形式之一是通过触摸。通过一次触摸,一小我私家可以转达他们的接受、友好、情感、恼怒、接受、蔑视、同情和需要等等。


How a person presents themselves in terms of their outward appearance communicates different things to different people. Dressing to the norms of the organization or culture is very important as it impacts the level of inclusion and acceptance others will have toward you. For example, when working on a project for a major film studio, wearing a suit and tie was considered unacceptable. Instead, acceptable clothing choices were jeans, sneakers and casual shirts. It was so important that during a preplanning meeting with management it was stressed more than once.一小我私家是如何通过外表来体现自己,从而把差别的状态转达给差别的人们。根据组织或文化的规范着装是很是重要的,因为这将影响其他人对你的包容和接纳水平。例如,在为一家大型影戏制片厂事情时,穿西装打领带被认为是不行接受的。


Like appearance, artifacts play a role in opinions people form about the type of person we are. Artifacts are the things we surround ourselves with, from your online avatar, the pictures on the wall and more. Artifacts tend to convey who you are, your sense of humor and the like. Artifacts can be distracting if they are too plentiful, and send both positive and negative messages depending on what they are and how they are perceived by those who see them.与外表一样,人工制品在人们形成关于我们是什么样的人的看法中也起着作用。人工制品是我们身边的工具,从你的在线头像到墙上的图片等等。人工制品倾向于转达你是谁、你的诙谐感等等。如果人工制品太多的话,它们可能会疏散注意力,并凭据它们是什么以及看到它们的人如何看待它们而发出努力和消极的信号。

While the above may seem like a tall order to learn and use, it isn’t so daunting when mastered over time. However, honing your skills in these areas can only add value to your ability to be a great communicator. Being able to integrate the ability to pick-up and understand non-verbal cues will make you much more effective in your efforts to:Facilitate and build consensusUse media and messaging effectivelyPlan and deliver presentationsManage formal and informal engagements and interactionsLead and participate in meetingsManage, diffuse and calibrate conflict虽然以上这些看起来是一个很难学习和使用的内容,但随着时间的推移,它并不是那么难以掌握的。然而,磨练你在这些方面的技术只会增加您成为一个伟大的相同者的能力。